The short answer: a coach who listens will ask more than they tell in your first session, repeat your situation back accurately, and leave you with a sharper view of your real problem. If you spend the call being pitched a program, you have your answer.

You are about to hand someone your numbers, your worries and a slice of your calendar. The first conversation is the cheapest test you will ever get. Most owners spend it being impressed. Spend it measuring instead.

Why listening is the whole job

Advice only works when it fits the business in front of you. A coach cannot fit advice to a business they have not understood, and understanding takes questions, silence and notes. The International Coaching Federation, the largest professional body for coaches, organizes its core competencies into four domains, and one of them is titled "Communicating Effectively: Active Listening." It describes great coaching as involving "listening deeply, not just to what's being said, but also to what's not being spoken" (ICF Core Competencies, accessed November 2026).

That second half matters for owners. The thing you say first is rarely the thing holding the business back. "I need more leads" can mean a pricing problem, a conversion problem or a capacity problem. Only a listener finds out which.

The six-signal listening scorecard

Score each signal during the call or straight after it. Give one point for a clear pass, half a point for a partial pass and zero for a miss.

Five points or more is a coach worth a second conversation. Three or fewer is a sales call dressed as a coaching call. This is a rough guide of our own, not a validated instrument, so treat it as a prompt for your judgment.

The three-replay test

Within an hour of the call, replay it three ways while the details are fresh.

1. The summary replay. Write three sentences on what the coach understood about your business. Then ask yourself whether they could write the same three sentences about you. If you cannot picture them doing it, they were not listening.
2. The surprise replay. Did anything they said change how you see the problem? Good listeners notice patterns you are too close to see. If you heard nothing new, you heard a script.
3. The "no" replay. Did they park, challenge or decline anything? A coach who agrees with every idea has not stress-tested any of them.

Notice what the test leaves out: credentials, logos and polish. Those are easy to produce. Careful attention is hard to fake for 45 minutes.

What to bring so a good listener can do their job

You can improve the call from your side. Before it, write down three things: the one number you most want to move, the biggest decision you are putting off, and what you have already tried. Coaches who listen will use all three. Coaches who do not will leave them on the table.

If the call is going badly, say so, calmly: "I would like to spend the next ten minutes on my biggest problem rather than your process." How the coach responds to that sentence tells you more than any testimonial.

What good listening produces

The clearest sign is a plan that could only belong to your business. Kevin D'Ambros-Smith is based in Auckland, New Zealand, and coaches owners in New Zealand and the USA by video call. He has coached 200+ businesses one-on-one across 30+ industries since 2017, and his approach starts with finding the real constraint before anyone spends another dollar. A New Zealand client describes the start of that process this way:

Kevin has taken the time to truly understand my business, listen to my short- and long-term goals, and helped me to create a progressive, achievable plan.Sarah Talyancich
Bodyreform

For more on what happens after the listening, see Why Good Ideas Die: The Implementation Gap and How a Coach Closes It.

Frequently asked questions

How long should a first coaching session be?

Long enough to cover your situation properly. Thirty minutes is a workable minimum for a discovery call. If the coach is watching the clock to reach their pitch, take note.

Is it rude to test a coach on listening?

No. Any coach worth hiring expects you to assess fit, and a good one will welcome it. You are choosing a long working relationship, not buying a one-off product.

What if the coach listens well but their program is expensive?

Listening and price are separate questions. Ask for scope, fees, term and exit options in writing, then compare them against the outcome you want to reach.

Published 10 November 2026. Testimonials are quoted word for word from the person named. The feedback quoted comes from a New Zealand client. Results are specific to each business and are not typical.